DUFF???

Boom Clap - Charli XCX

It's 3am and I have just finished watching The Duff (hence the title for god's sake lol). Like many other times, I don't really care what time it currently is, my fingers just have this itch to tap the keyboard for hours, and here it is.

A few days ago, my friends started leaving (as you might have read, they left for college through the SPC programme). First it was Qistina, then Mimi and Fifa. Heck, it was a lot to handle. I've never cried so much in my life, but the sadness came to me like a tornado, sucking me into the vortex of non-stop crying. But that didn't matter. I knew I would get over the crying, but not the going away part, ever. The thing about people leaving is that you would finally realise how much they mean to you or some other person and they make you think really hard of how you've been taking them for granted this whole time. Trust me, I would've known. Fifa and I had a bit of a fall out earlier this year, a large part of it caused by the separation on classes but if it wasn't for the school drama team, our friendship wouldn't have survived. But that's not the point here. When I knew she got the SPC offer, I was beyond ecstatic. Never once had the thought of losing her registered in my mind until one day, it hit me like a truck.
           Let me enlighten you on some of the events of when I was 13 to make you understand how much Fifa really mean to me. Despite being the eldest, I never really went anywhere alone. I rarely go to camps (most of the time I skip it) and that made me a little spoiled. Having to leave home to study in a cramped, isolated place about 300 km away, I was damn homesick. God knows how much I made my parents worry (sorry mum and dad, yikes) and here's a secret; I cried everyday up until August. That was when I started to really pair up with Fifa and decided to become 'BFFs' (if we could evven be called that). Sure, I had spent a fair amount of months hanging out with her before, but this time it got more intense and serious. Now that I think of it, she might be one of the reasons why I was able -to go through my high school years.
              Today, I realised that she turned me into something better without even me realising it. God, I wish I didn't try to ignore her a few weeks before she left. I really thought my plan would work; ignore,be separated, drift away and hurt less when she leaves. I was damn wrong. It made me miss her more, to be really honest. I'm holding up (hopefully) and Fa, you better watch your back. I'm catching up. Heh.

P.s . I think I'm the DUFF in not  only our relationship, but in many other group of friends that I'm associated with. But what hell, I'm not going to let some stupid acronym ruin my life. Get over it. We are what we are. You are who you are. So own up to it. Be you. 

Til' my fingers start to itch for the keyboard again, ciao! (since when do I do goodbyes?? lol)