We all have that one friend whom we turn to, anytime, anywhere. I used to have one. Used. What happened, really? I honestly do not know. Closures aren't my area of expertise because most of the time I end up being overly emotional or just plain angry. But I'm not here to rant about my lost friendship, but to address on the general topic of friendship instead. The story behind my already lost friendship should remain personal, so be it.
The thing about having these kind of friends is that you always know that they'll be there for you so when you need them, they're really just a text or a phone call away. No, it's not called using your friend, calling and talking to them only when you need them. It's a kind of friendship you need to hold on to because it's the honest kind, it's that one friendship where you do not need to be in contact with each other 24/7 but you know that you're there for each other.
However, when you fall out of these kind of friendships, you tend to feel a huge loss. Been there, done that. Heh. The thing is, the broken bond between you and your friend creates some sort of physical pain because who else would stick with you now? It's a lingering pain, I tell you, until one day it just fades away and all you're left with is loneliness and anger. The anger doesn't come from the broken friendship, it comes from you, most of the time blaming yourself for giving up on the friend. Yes, you might have been apologising your heart out to him/her and they might've 'accepted' it but truth is, sometimes it cannot be fixed. Like shattered glass, even if you glue it together the crack lines are still there to remind you of the problems that got in between you and them. Hence, you are left with the 'awkward friendship' where you still have each other's numbers but rarely texts each other and you still follow their Twitter and Instagram, occasionally liking their pictures and retweeting things. But you say nothing to each other, no words uttered, no problems shared, not even birthday wishes.
I don't know about you but I find myself holding on to something a little longer than necessary, and in these kind of situations I always end up being the clingy one, constantly apologising (for things I did not even do) and hoping that the friendship would fix it way back to the way it was before. I end up being wrong 99.9% of the time, but I keep doing it. Maybe it's the guilt, or the memories that keeps bringing me back to what was already too damaged.
Maybe it's good that you apologise and hope that it will eventually be okay, but sometimes letting go is the only solution. You let go of the memories, let go of all the bad times and the good times. Tell yourself that you can stand on your own, and maybe create new memories with new people. Forgive them for everything and anything that they've done to you and perhaps you'll find yourself a little more content than you've probably felt in months. Oh and on another note, even if you did let go of everything, you must know that it is okay for you to be missing them at times, we're all human after all.
p.s. I'm home!!!!!! :)
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