Odlučiti

Salted Wound - Sia

And the story goes like this. 


It has been months since I last updated but that's a whole different story. During that period, many things have happened, including the infamous SPC program for the excellent kids. Now, I do not want to dwell on the fact that I didn't get it because heck no I'm not qualified at all. But the thing is, with all these talks and conversations about scholarships and courses got me thinking ; What do I really want to be? 

Ever since I was a young lil' Miss Sunshine running around, I have always wanted to be a doctor. Well, it started out from wanting to be that and many other things, but really I just keep coming back to choosing that career. At the age of 5 (or 6) (possibly older but-), I started watching ER on Hallmark. Yes, those were the days. But nevertheless, I may or may not have been (indirectly) exposed to the Medicine field and I love it. I can't think of myself being anything else because I have been living to pursue my studies in Medicine.

However, life is not as easy as I thought it'd be. Mind you, not getting SPC was a whole other problem because come on, who are we kidding? SPC helps a LOT in getting a step closer to a better future. SPM, on the other hand, oh god. I don't really know what to make of it, you see. I have spent 4 [long] years studying IGCSE and now it's a whole new prospect and technique, I don't know if I can nail it. Like they all say, Megapower is strong in terms of content but not technique. Oh, did I mention SPM is all about techniques?

Mum has been telling me that there aren't many scholarships given out for Medicine because it's costly and a lot of people is taking it. But then again, that's what I want to do. Mind you, I really love hospitals. But that's really not the point here. I need to have a backup plan. And honestly, at this point, I'm lost. Having to think of another alternative to live out your future when you have been planning and daydreaming about it your whole life. This is hard. God knows how torn I am between all these career choices and what I like. It's really important to choose based on what I love because I do not want to spend my whole life fretting over how much I hate what I'm doing.

What do I do? 


p. s . Honestly, this doesn't sound like me at all. I'm properly ranting. And that means I'm really distraught because if I wasn't I'd probably write this in a better form. I'm sorry. Immature side of me is revealing itself and refusing to go away while I was writing this.